November 14, 2013

NaBloPoMo Day 14: Reaching the Limit

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I want to be uplifting, but I am feeling so overwhelmed right now.

My eye has been hurting all day and since my last eye problems led to my IIH diagnosis, it's freaking me out a little bit.  It's different, it feels like a bruise on the side of my eye socket, and my eye feels swollen even though it doesn't really look swollen in the mirror.

I slept on my boob wrong last night and it was sore for half the day (what the hell?).

We are still in the midst of figuring out Sam's IEP and new evaluations and some way to get him some kind of vision therapy and figuring out when to go pick up his new glasses, and which of us is going to take him to the counselor tomorrow, and how to optimize his medication and timing of when he gets it for his encopresis since he goes straight to after-school care and is away from home for like a billion hours a day, and getting him a new pediatrician so we can get a consult to a neuropsychologist to do a full workup to make sure we really know what's going on but oh wait, I should call the insurance company first to figure out what is covered and how and OMG.

I have several phone calls I need to make that need to be done during business hours and then I never am able to find the time at work to take a break, and I just need to do it already.

Even though I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving at the farm and seeing my family, the rest of this month is PACKED with stuff - a play in Seattle this weekend, my birthday celebration with friends next weekend, and going to the farm, and I'm not looking forward to the 7 hour drive or the mountain passes possibly being snowy and difficult and the fact that Sam sometimes gets carsick.

Aaaaaand things are just complicated in other ways that are making me feel tired and weird and counseling is amazing but it's also hard to let my feelings come out because apparently, if you take the last few months (years??) as an example, I'd rather shove them down and put a cork in them.  Oops.

Also, I haven't seen my Mom in a week and am getting withdrawls because I love my Mom and need to talk to her more than once a week.

Did I mention that my IIH isn't actually gone?  I mean, it's much improved, but my optic nerves are still slightly swollen and I'm still on 500mg/day of Diamox (a diuretic) and need to lose more weight.  I lost like 20 lbs but have gained almost half of it back and am having a hell of a time trying to do anything about it.  I have to stop eating my feelings, and somehow in the midst of all of this I am supposed to find time to exercise??  Or I could go back on a special diet, like Medifast, but that costs like $330 a month and that's just a lot of money.  Who knows.  Maybe it would even out, but right now it's just stressing me out and I just ate a bunch of handfuls of Captain Crunch Oops All Berries from the box.  ARGH!

My to-do list is full, I haven't talked to my sister or other family in forever, I stay up too late every night trying to get stuff done and then I'm tired, there are too many bills to pay and too many calls to make and too many places to go and too many messes that need to be cleaned up around the house, and it's just all a lot.

I go and go and go and I feel like I never have time to breathe.  There has to be a light at the end of this, right?

  NaBloPoMo November 2013

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