November 19, 2012

Top Chef Seattle: Week 2 - "I want to be a James Beard and I want to have a nice ass."

I should be writing about my trip to Dallas.  I should be writing about my kids (yeah, they are still alive!).  I should be writing about what's going on with me.  I should be writing about my new job (love it).  But instead, the way I am blazing back onto the scene is by writing a Top Chef recap, which almost no one will read, but when I read it years later I will still make myself laugh.  Welcome to my bizarre brain, which thinks this is just. the. thing. to publish today.  1.  I love reading my old Top Chef recaps (yes, I know I am weird). 2.  Top Chef was in Seattle this time - how could I not??  So, here you go.  All 2 of you that are probably reading this.

Top Chef Seattle - 10x2: A Shock at the Space Needle

Recap:  Last week, in the ridiculous new practice of showing us some people who never made it to the show (what's the point?), a man with a sweet handlebar mustache was axed.  The token mean guy, of course, made it.  After all, he was the most hated chef in Dallas, so that's pretty obvious.

Awwww.... Seattle!  Tom Douglas better show up at some point.

So far, I don't like Micah.  Did Chrissy just say that Stefan looks like a thumb?  What did she say?  I rewound it 3 times and still couldn't tell.  First I thought she said bum, but that didn't make sense either.

I'm not sure how I feel about them being judged by past contestants.... who didn't win...  I remember Stefan, vaguely remember, CJ, and remember the woman none.

HA!  Padma had to shush Mr. Hated Chef.  Hilarious.

Quickfire Challenge

They have 20 minutes to create a dish that highlights local shellfish - crabs, geoducks, other smaller and more regular clams, and mussels.  Incidentally, I live in Washington and am pretty sure that no one has ever eaten a geoduck in my presence.  They are battling for immunity.

I love that the beautiful model said what we were all thinking:  "Geoduck is great.  Except it looks like a penis.  A really big one."  She is at the top of my list as of now.

Other likable characters: the guy with the beard (although the fact that he is probably missing his child's birth to beon this show, I don't know about that... he couldn't wait for next season?) and mustache and the guy with the red hat.  I don't know who anyone is at this point.

Carla points out that she is on the only all girls team, then tells us "I am a chef, but I am also a woman.  When I am cooking, I like to look good.  I want to be a James Beard and I want to have a nice ass."

Bart the Knight is talking about conquering ingredients.  That's perfect.

Now they will taste and judge.

Lizzie foreshadows much to come this season with: "working with Carla is definitely crazy, and you can see it in the dish."

I liked the geoduck with apple dish because apples are huge here and that's another little touch of local flavor.  Nice.  Mustache man and awesome red hair girl are on the losing team with their soup.  Don't make soup.

Stefan announces that the geoduck with apples is the winner.  Glasses on the forehead is excited and gets the immunity.

Wait, WTF is happening????  Stefan, CJ and Josie are joining the contestants?  Tyler thinks it's "bullshit."  While I am pretty sure that Stefan will certainly provide me with entertainment, I have to sort of agree with his sentiment.  On the other hand, what do you expect, it is a reality show. Mustache man says "Fuck them.  It's our turn!  None of them were able to seal the deal.  I hate them all."  I laugh.

Stefan says he has nothing to prove, but then why is he there?  If his Porsche and restaurants are so awesome  why is he there?  Mostly because he hates Hosea and thinks he should have won I guess.

For the elimination challenge, they will remain on the same teams, making the three comeback contestants a team.  I really don't remember CJ much, but he definitely seems to think he's pretty awesome now, which remains to be seen.

They are cooking in the restaurant at the top of the Space Needle.  I have never been there, because it's is super expensive.

Elimination Challenge

Each team will serve one dish to our the top chef judges and local chef... Tom Douglas!  I swear to god, I did not know that was going to happen.  They have 47 minutes, aka the amount of time it takes for the Space Needle restaurant to rotate once.

Stefan and CJ decide to take eight quails, just to have them?  I don't know what is happening.  Redhead and mustache take a fish that they cannot identify.  That's not going to end well.

After picking their seafood, they head to Olive 8, which is right downtown and looks gorgeous.  The view!  Jeffrey is gay and engaged.  Aw, look how cute they are!

Two teams cook at once.  I am super interested to see how this chili oil poached fish turns out.  I think it's going to be either REALLY good, or REALLY awful.  Almost immediately, I realize that Carla is insane and slightly annoying.  Like Fran Drescher meets some sort of stereotypical Latin cha-cha woman who likes to ayiyiyi a lot.

Gail wants to go fishing while she's in Seattle.

Tom Douglas is adorable.  Seriously.

I really can't stand how that dude is wearing his classes up on his forehead.  It's off to a good start for those teams, the judges like both of the first two dishes.  Stefan says he is used to bigger breasts than the ones the quails have.  HA!

Josie says CJ's cherry emulsion sucks.  The brown haired girl doesn't like the way the fish is cooked.  And it's done.  Stefan says that Gail gives him sweaty armpits.

The third set of teams is up, and luckily the yellow team have figured out that their fish is cod.  Micah's team is making salmon.

The winner is the blue team with their chili poached salmon.   Like I said, it would be awful or great - lucky for them it was the latter.

The veterans end up in the bottom two teams.  Bummer deal.  Padma asks Josie why she thinks they are there and she says "I think possibly something was imperfect..." to which Tom does his signature 'yeah no shit' eyebrow lift and Padma says "Clearly."  Then Tom says "really?" to the idea that she suggests it has to do with texture.  Tom says the quail was overcooked, and I actually feel bad for Stefan, he looks like he is going to cry.

The Knight says he took the lead on the gray team.  He is unhappy at the judges critique.  Stefan compares the top chef contestants to wounded zebras walking around in Africa, making the judges hungry lions.

In the end, Padma asks Jeffrey to pack his knives and go.  Sad.  The title of this episode was "A Shock at the Space Needle" but I'm not sure what the shock was?  I didn't feel shocked by anything.

Next week:  Thanksgiving in Seattle.  Tom says "make cornbread not war."  People swear and yell.