August 2, 2012

Ball of Confusion

My life is a big ball of confusion and emotion. Awesome things have been happening, I started my reading for my Birth Boot Camp training and am super excited about it. The new website is awesome and growing and I can't wait for the stuff I am planning next to grow it. But at the same time this week has been extremely difficult, especially the last 3 or 4 days.  I am still looking for a job and bot finding much, and I feel like the next stage of my life can't truly begin until I find one.  I am super emotional, frustrated with the kids, and really wanting to be alone more than anything else.  And I can't be.  It is frustrating that I am frustrated.  I feel annoyed and guilty and bad-mothery.  I am turning into one of those Facebookers I hate who post depressing repetitive statuses.  I feel better and I feel worse.  I have good friends and I can't imagine what I would do without them.  I am a Debbie Downer.  I have no balance.  I have to give myself time but I have to figure out how to do that and not be a crappy mom. I don't know what I am doing anymore.


Liz Sawyer said...

Stop. You are going through one of the toughest & biggest life stressors out there and it's okay to admit your feelings. You will get through this. You are a good mom. You are taking steps forward despite feeling stuck in limbo. You won't be in limbo forever. Love ya! 

Enz said...

You are NORMAL. This is hard. You are doing the best you  can with the tools you have. Your kids love you, you love them - nothing can take that away from any of you. Just take one day at a time.