May 2, 2012

To Sam On Birthday Number Six

At the Skagit Valley Tulip Festival two days before turning six.

Dear Sam,

Lately, you have not been listening to your CD at bedtime and you've been asking me to sing to you again.  Most nights, you say you're not tired even though you've been yawning for an hour and I can tell that you need to sleep.  When I carry you to bed, you are heavy in my arms and I can't believe how big you've gotten.  You're still skinny, but not as much as you used to be.  I lay next to you with my arm around you and sing you The House at Pooh Corner and I've Got Six-pence and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star - the songs you call 'bedtime songs.'  As I sing I listen to your breathing and it often takes only a song or two before I can tell you've drifted off.

One day maybe you will have children and you'll be able to understand the love I feel for you.  It's so big that I can barely wrap my head around it, and I struggle to find the words to even convey it.  I am so proud of you.  Every time you sound out a word, I am fascinated and amazed.  When you write words on paper, I am left reeling at how much difference just a few months of school has made.  When you help your brother with something he's struggling with, my heart grows five sizes thinking about how amazing you are.  You are such a nice person.

Sam took Danny to school for 'share day'
Sometimes I get this feeling that I don't even know how to describe.  It happened last week when you called me while Daddy and I were out.  You called me from Grandma's phone to tell me to have a fun date night with Daddy.  It was unbearably cute, and after we hung up it happened.  I don't want to describe it as a sadness, because I was happy to be having grown up time.  But it is almost like I felt disappointed to be so far away from you.  I need my time to myself, but sometimes when I think about you a part of me wishes I was with you and wonders what you are doing at that moment.

There is so much about you that I never want to forget.  The way your freckles spread across the apples of your cheeks.  The chips in your two front teeth.  The way you count and then tell me I don't understand what a second is when I tell you to "just wait a second," even though it's irritating too.  The way you share with your brother even though he doesn't understand how to share with you just yet.  The way you play with the other kids, and give your friendship so freely.  You are so full of love and every kid has their moments, but your joy outshines anything darker almost all the time.

Building animorphs at the zoo with Aunt Kira
You are my first baby, and you will always be my baby, even though you are six and started walking in to school by yourself a couple of weeks ago.  I watch you dilly dally as you walk into the building with your Mario backpack and you look so big and so small at the same time.  I don't think it will ever change.

Happy Birthday Sam.  You are amazing.


Some Favorites at Six

TV - Octonauts, Adventure Time & My Little Pony
Food - Pizza, Chicken Nuggets, Macaroni & Cheese, Vanilla Ice Cream
Games - Kirby's Epic Yarn, Kirby's Return to Dreamland, Rayman Origins
Books - Scaredy Squirrel
Clothes - Mario shirts, pants without buttons (no jeans!)
Activities - Playing at the park after school, drawing
Future Wife - Either your babysitter Noelle or your friend Ruthie

No comments: