October 4, 2011

30 Days of Truth Day 29: One Day Soon

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 The prompt for Day 1 of 30 Days of Truth is something you want to change about yourself.

September and October bring this shortening of days that can drive us slowly mad without us even realizing it.  Then one day, we sit there and realize that we feel a little bit sad.  Sometimes I think I give in to negativity too often.  I let things get me all riled up when maybe I shouldn't, and then it seeps out of me and touches people I love and when I realize it, I just feel worse.  I should try harder to think about how lucky I am to live the life I do.  I've felt so sensitive lately, this summer was really hard in a lot of ways.  The tension of Sam being home all day every day, not having any time to myself, the stress between Justin and I, and the completely overwhelming task of moving to a new place, figuring out new schools and new budgets and kindergarten.  It adds up, and it's made me sensitive.  It's not so hard these days to make me cry.  Then I find myself in my car, crying as I read about Liz, who never got to meet her baby.  And I feel selfish for feeling bad about anything.  Don't I have my health?  Don't I have my husband, and my children?  Don't I have good friends and a roof over my head?  I need to make more of a conscious effort to keep these good things in my thoughts on a more consistent basis.  I want the world to be a better place because I was in it.  I want my kids to remember being happy.  I want to support the people who are important to me, and make sacrifices more gratefully.  I think about luck, and love, and God, and life.  And I want to embrace it, and I don't think I've been trying hard enough.  I think that maybe I need to start going to church more regularly again.  It seems like that always reminds me about compassion and humanity.  It's hard not to be selfish all the time - I think that our brains are wired that way.  Maybe once it was for survival.  I do care about other people, and I think I put my kids before myself.  But I don't think I am trying hard enough when it comes to my husband and being a good wife.  I want him to put in effort, but I need to consider how to make things happen for both of us.  Despite the wind and the wetness in the air, and the grey clouds and shortening days - I think things are looking up.  I have hope that one days soon things will be stable and normal (as normal as they can be at least, what does that even mean?), that we'll manage our finances better and our needs better and we'll learn how to get along with life and be truly happy.

See the other 29 days here.

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