Forgiveness is a funny thing. A lot of people think that forgiving someone is a gift you give that person. That the reason you forgive someone is to make them feel better. But that is not what forgiveness does.
Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves. It allows us to release ourselves from things we are carrying around with us - anger, shame, sadness. It allows us to leave the past behind us, to lighten our load and move on to the future. It can be an amazingly powerful thing, and the best part is that we are taking our power back into ourselves from someone or something that has happened.
I'm lucky. I haven't had a lot of big things in my life that I've had to forgive. There have been small things, but I haven't had to struggle all that much. The biggest happened a couple of years ago, so the rest of this will be a re-post of something I wrote in January of 2009.
Planting a Seed
Originally published January 9, 2009
Today, I plant a
seed - a new beginning to
nurture and to grow
The journey is not
through, but this leg has to end
it's time to move on
I have no map, and
do not know where the new road
will lead me from here
But I see a light
and I know that it leads to
a better place, love
It came to me on a random afternoon.
Days before, I'd received a reminder of your love.
Weeks before, I'd received a reminder that you were nothing more than a human being.
It came to me so clearly that I immediately recognized it as truth.
I have to forgive you.
You have caused me pain.
You have caused much more pain to others that I love.
I don't agree with your actions, but I can't base our entire relationship around this past.
I wish you had not done some of the things you did.
But they happened. Nothing can be done.
I need to forgive you.
I don't want to spend my time and energy on anger. I don't want to spend my life trying to make sense of this - it doesn't make any sense to me. Your actions don't fit into my patterns of thinking.
I won't defend you.
I won't pretend that the things you have done didn't hurt people.
I won't pretend that it's okay.
But I will move on.
I will move into experiencing the future as something else.
A new relationship will be formed. Ideas and preconceptions thrown out the window will pass by the wayside, and something else will take their place.
I have to forgive you because I don't want you to be alone.
Some loves really ARE unconditional. I accept my love, and realize that I should spend my energy cultivating that.
So, I'm done. I'm not going to be angry anymore. Instead, I will try to be supportive of everyone I love, separate from each other.
I will love everyone for their good qualities, and I will try to help them with the bad, if they want my help.
I will provide support in any way I can, and in the areas I can't, I will wait patiently until my help is wanted or needed. Even if the time never comes.
So, this is it.
I forgive you.
For the other 29 Days, click here.