August 17, 2010

A New Beginning, Again

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So, I have a confession. One that makes me feel all yucky. You know how after I had Danny, I was down 20 lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight? I've gained 10 of it back.

If I tried now to explain how I feel about this, one of the first words that comes to mind is ashamed. After that, we have embarrassed. Disappointed. Annoyed at myself for letting it happen. So, it is time. Things have to change.

Yesterday, I pulled out my Weight Watchers cookbook. I already had sticky notes on 20 or 30 recipes that most appealed to me, and I looked through and picked out 8 of them. I wrote down the ingredients needed for each recipe and made a shopping list.

Tonight I went grocery shopping. I admit that my stomach turned a little when I saw the total bill. It was A LOT.

BUT

Our cupboards were bare (literally). Our refrigerator contained a couple things of Sam's yogurt, a half eaten container of hummus, some juice and some 7-Up. So, it was a major shopping trip to begin with.

AND

I bought actual cuts of meat instead of just ground beef so I can actually cook.

I had to buy some slightly pricey staples like a new bottle of olive oil and some spices.

I bought more produce than I have ever bought in my life, and I plan to actually eat it all before it goes bad.

AND

When I left the store, I actually felt good about the things I'd purchased.

I didn't feel like someone looking in my cart would judge me because hey look at the fat lady buying all the junk food.

And guess what? This time around, starting feels... exciting. I am actually looking forward to getting back on track, to starting to take good care of myself again, to paying attention to what I'm eating and when I'm hungry. To exercising regularly and getting into better shape. I have come so far already, but I'm not there yet. I figured out yesterday where I'm at:

Starting Weight (Feb 2009): 267 lbs
Current Weight (Aug 2010): 226 lbs

Weight Lost: 41 lbs
Goal Weight: 160 lbs
Goal Weight Loss: 107 lbs
To Go: 66 lbs

I'll be going to Weight Watchers this week to re-enroll and start attending weekly meetings again. It turns out my gym membership still exists, and my very generous Mama has decided to keep it going (just another reason I love her), so I can look into when Zumba classes are since that's a form of exercise I actually enjoyed a lot. Tomorrow, I'll plan out our meals for the next 7-10 days.

I'm more motivated this time because I have come so far already, and I know that this IS possible. I'm excited to keep experiencing the things that come along with losing more, like getting rid of 1/2 my pants, being able to cross my legs comfortably, and not having to ask for a seatbelt extender on the airplane. Here's another goal: maybe when he's grown, Danny will never remember having an obese mother. Maybe he'll look at photos from when he was a baby and say, "Wow Mom, you looked different then."

Goodbye fast food, junk food, unhealthy snacks, and uncontrolled eating.

Hello to a new beginning (again).

11 comments :

Ruthy T. said...

you can do it! one day at a time...we all have setbacks...it's how we rebound that counts!

Jen said...

Good for you! I wish I had the motivation to actually doing something about the way I look, instead of just complain about it.

Good luck!

Melissa(ConfessionsOfaDr.Mom) said...

Good Luck Rachel, I'm sure you'll do great. WW really helped me too when I wanted to get rid of my excess weight...I really loved their online food and point tracker. Go Mama! You can do it :)

SuzRocks said...

You can do it!!! The hardest thing is to start trying- especially after you've backslidden because you think to yourself 'oh, I'll never be able to do it'

Keep up the good work!!

Barking Mad said...

I can honestly say that I know how this feels.

I was down 42lbs since April 20th, when I stopped drinking Coke, cold turkey. And for some reason, at the end of July, the stress of everything just took over and I backslid horribly. I'm now drinking 1 regular Coke and 3 Diet Cokes every day. And I feel awful about it. I feel like a huge failure.

However, it's been 20 hours since I've had ANY caffeine and despite my head feeling like it's going to pop off my shoulders, I'm starting all over again.

You can do it Rachael, and so can I! WE CAN DO IT!

Molly said...

I need to do this. I am up about 40 lbs from where I was four years ago. I just graduated college. It's not healthy for me to be this heavy. And I don't feel like me.

Syd said...

It's useless to feel bad, better to just move forward (sometimes easier said than done, I know from experience).

We have similar stats. Although, I'm 5 pounds over my pre-prego weight and my goal is 10 pounds under yours. I haven't been under 200 in...4 years. I want to be, badly. I'm ready to start. Let's do it.

Making it Work Mom said...

Good for you! I also need to drop a few pounds and am finding the hardest part is fitting in the exercise. I will waiting to read all your inspiring posts to get me motivated!!
Oh and yeah the grocery store thing is the worst. Seriously why is it so expensive to eat healthy food!!!????

Rachael1013 said...

I know what you mean about not feeling like yourself. When I look at
pictures of me at my heaviest, needing to lose over 100 lbs, I can't even
believe that I allowed myself to get to that point, and I really don't look
like me. It's hard, but the longer you stick with it, the easier it gets.

Rachael1013 said...

Thank you! It's been difficult after being pregnant and eating whatever I
wanted with no consequences, but I've already seen the numbers on the scale
go down, so that's really encouraging!

*Rachael Heiner*
Scientific Nature of the Whammy
*Nurturing the spirit through writing and community; exploring the moments
that make life a joy*
www.snotw.com

Lwaddy said...

Hi Rachael, You are still looking so great! Just saw a picture you posted of you and Justin .... Stay strong. I will never forget what a friend who lost a lot of weight told me: "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels!"
Made me laugh, but true!

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