I had forgotten how consuming it is. The hunger.
It has been almost a year since I stopped attending Weight Watchers meetings and counting points after I got pregnant. I ate whatever I wanted during my pregnancy - for the first 20 weeks that was almost nothing. Later, it was more, but not enough to cause problems.
For the last six months, I have eaten whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Last Wednesday, I started counting points again.
I forgot how hard I have to fight. How I think about food all day and knowing there is so much tasty stuff in the house is almost crippling. How it's hard to keep my mind anywhere else, to keep from shoving every. last. morsel. of food available into my mouth.
On Saturday I went out by myself for several hours. No one to see what I was doing. The temptation to go somewhere and eat, knowing I could truly get my hands on ANYTHING I wanted? It was pulling at me like the moon on the tide. I did okay, even ate only 1/2 the popcorn at the movie like I planned. But I was thinking about eating more.
I know it will get better with time. As my body adjust to eating on more of a schedule, the hunger will subside... I will become accustomed to thinking less about food.
But right now, I feel the hunger crawling over my skin, tapping on my shoulders.
I will not give in. This can't be who I really am. I will ride these waves until they become mere ripples.
This week I'll officially re-join Weight Watchers and have the meetings for support.
I can do this...