Today's challenge for 31 Days to Build a Better Blog is a list post. This is the perfect opportunity for me to actually write a post that's been rattling around in my head for quite a while.
Every so often, I come across something in my day that just makes me shiver with how NOT okay it is. It's something that I can't necessarily DO anything about, but that I object to actually existing in the first place. You know you have those moments too, where you sort of want to punch the face of this thing you dislike, but unfortunately it's impossible because it's not tangible. So, here's my list of 10 things that will just never be okay with me.
- Calvin peeing stickers/decals - Dudes. Calvin is a sweet little kid with an imaginary friend who is a tiger. WHY do you feel the need to create endless stickers of him peeing on things? I just don't get it. First off, having a sticker in public with someone peeing on something you don't like is already offensive. Then you have to take it a step further and add Calvin to the equation? It's just RUDE. It makes me sad, so please stop.
- Truck Nuts - If you don't know what truck nuts are, see here. Seriously? WHO decided that it was okay for people to hang a fake ball sack from their vehicle? Does it not occur to people that that is actually fairly obscene? No one would be happy if I hung a plastic va-jay-jay from my car. Seriously. Or even fake realistic boobs. A nutsack is not something I need to see in public, like, EVER. Also, what is the point? Are you compensating for something? It makes me wonder about you. It's kind of like those 'Big Johnson' shirts people used to wear. Remember those? They were also not okay, and made me feel un-necessarily uncomfortable.
- Pants with words across the ass - If you're shopping and see some sweats with words on the butt? Please put them back. It is never okay. If you're under 16, it's just creepy. If you're 16-25, have a little more respect for yourself. There are better ways to get attention. And if you're over 25? You're probably too old to be shopping in that section where you found those pants. So just back AWAY from the rack.
- Dreadlocks on white people - Perhaps you may have noticed that black people's hair has a different texture than white people's hair. It's just a reality. When you're white, you have to go to quite some lengths to get dreads, and they're not easy to get. They don't look good. You look like you have not washed your hair in... well, pretty much EVER. When I look at your head, all I can see is MATTS. The kind you'd find on an animal who's been mistreated. It's gross. I'm sorry, but it just is.
- When people speak in text language - Really? There is a reason that text and instant messaging use abbreviations. Because when you read OMFG, you already know what it means. It saves keystrokes. Do you know what happens when you SAY OMFG out loud? You save ONE SYLLABLE. Is it worth it? Because you sound dumb.
- People who use Halloween as an excuse to be obscene/slutty - I totally realize this is out of season, but it is a huge pet peeve of mine. You know you've seen them at the store. "Sexy Wizard" (read: Slutty Hermione), "Sexy Alice", sexy a million other things. At what point did Halloween become an excuse to wear lingerie in public? When did people stop being creative and trying to look like an actual character? When you dress up as sexy firewoman, you are not actually dressing as a firewoman. You are dressing up in some dude's fantasy lingerie. In the bedroom? Go for it. On the streets? Please stop. Also, that section of the store where they keep the inflatible penis costumes and weird gynecologist costumes and stuff like that? I would like it if everyone in the world could just avoid it.
- Mel Gibson - Dude, Mel, I'm sorry but I can't deal with you anymore. I remember watching that version of Hamlet you were in and there was this scene where you were on top of a bookcase and looked totally crazy, and I thought you were awesome in that scene. Now I realize that it was just a glimpse of what was to come. I don't know what happened, but you have gone off the deep end and you are just not okay with me anymore.
- When people say 'I could care less' - If you tell me you COULD care less, that means you care. I think what you are trying to say is that you couldn't care less. That means you care so little that it would be impossible for you to care less. Isn't that more what you're talking about?
- Ad that imply my womanhood is best expressed through fabric softener - Seriously? I can't even remember the brand at this point, but I have seen them tons of times. They're fabric softener ads that talk about how we (meaning women of course because that's who they picture in the commercials, because men don't DO laundry apparently) can express ourselves through which scent we choose for our fabric softener. Really? That is not how I define myself dudes.
- Facebook status updates that try to be wise - Look. I get it. You found some quote you like. Maybe you are trying to sound smart. But I hate your status update that says 'We are all in the journey of life blah blah blah' or 'Real friends are the ones who blah blah blah'. You sound like a greeting card. There is no point. I would much rather read about what you ate for breakfast this morning. Seriously. This is especially annoying if you are less than 20 years old and haven't lived your life yet. Don't talk about loving things and letting them go, or
What about you? What makes you tick? What just gets under your skin? Let it out - I want to hear it!