March 9, 2010

A Letter to My Oldest

Dear Sam,

I have been meaning to write this letter to you since I wrote one to your little brother, but time has gotten away from me. It seems to be a common occurrence with a big house to take care of and everything involved in the life of a Mom to a 3 1/2 year old. You are such a busy boy, and I'm trying to enjoy spending these next few months with you since it will be our last as a mother-son duo before we become a trio.

There are so many things you do now, so much about the way you are right now that I never want to forget. I guess that's just the way things are when you're a Mom. I took a 13-item 'snapshot' of you last week, but I know that listing 13 things will never be adequate.

Lately I have been thinking so much about you as a brother. I don't have any experience with brothers, or with siblings that are so far apart. When Danny is born, you'll be 4 years old. I've been feeling nervous about it, I don't have too much experience with siblings so far apart. Part of me worries that you won't be as close as your Aunt Kira and I. I worry that you'll be too much older, and won't want to play with your baby brother as much.

In the past couple of weeks, I've seen you play with some other kids though. I watch our friend's 7 year old play with you and with her 2 year old sister. I watched you play with a 1 and a half year old at a birthday party with a smile of absolute joy. I watched some older girls play with you at the playground. And it gives me confidence. You are such a wonderful, loving child Sam. I know it's going to be hard at first, but I think you're going to be a wonderful big brother, and that you're going to take care of your little brother.

Things are not always easy. As a toddler, you are discovering yourself. You spend your time exploring, learning, and finding out just who you are in this big, big world. Just when we have a few days of you not listening to anything I say, you make it a little better by having an amazing day like today, where everything goes well. Our biggest hiccup was you having to be boosted onto the school bus because for some reason you didn't want to get on yourself. You don't cry, or complain, you just stop walking. Once you're on you seem okay and you have fun at school.

When you got home we came into the house and snacked, then we went to visit Grandma and went to the playground. You were so happy today, and had a great time. I was excited when you came home from school with your very first Scholastic book order form! I always LOVED the book order forms and the book fairs at school when I was a kid, and I can't wait to get you a few new books.

Our first parent-teacher conferences are coming up in a few weeks and I can't wait to hear about what you've done these past few months at school, and how you've progressed. It's amazing when you come home and tell me about school. I love asking you what song you sang at circle time, and when you sing a song I don't know it's just so adorable I almost can't stand it.

You absolutely LOVE puzzles. You can do puzzles up to 25 pieces by yourself, and I love to watch you concentrate. You even love to watch me do online jigsaw puzzles. I love that you love something so much that will help your brain grow big and strong. You are so smart, and sometimes I stare at your face as you concentrate and work through things. It's just beautiful.

Sometimes I see pictures of you when you were smaller, and I almost don't recognize you. You have become so grown up. I just can't believe that you're going to be four in only a couple of months. I know that time is going to fly, and next thing I know you're going to be taking that bus to kindergarten instead of preschool. I can't wait to see what you do next.

I know that the last few months haven't been the easiest. I don't feel like I've been the best Mom I can all of the time. With the physical illness of my first 20 weeks growing this baby, and the mental aspects of now, I know my temper is shorter, and my emotions are stronger. But for the most part, you remain so happy and we go about our business. Sometimes it's hard, but you are so understanding for a little boy.

Soon, we will be entering a crazy new chapter of our lives. I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous, a little scared, and a little unsure of how things will be in a few months when you're not my only little boy anymore. But I am absolutely determined that you will know that no matter what, you are special, you are loved and you are appreciated. I hope I won't trip up too often, and that we'll be able to make it so that you remember the good times, just like we will.

You are my big boy, and I love you more than you can ever imagine.



Mom said...

And I can't believe my own baby is experiencing these things. We have more in common as women all of the time. It's crazy and great!

Mimi said...

So special, it just about broke my heart. With my oldest about to turn 18 I'm really struggling with some strong emotions.