February 19, 2010

This Is Your Brain on Pregnancy

Remember those commercials they used to have where they fried an egg and compared it to your brain on drugs? Someone should make one of those commercials but instead of frying an egg it shows a baby with a mallet beating on your brain.

Seriously? I am having a hell of a time with all the hormones little Danny is causing to be released into my body. I think that the main reason that I'm having so much more trouble dealing with the emotional havoc this pregnancy starts with S and ends with M. Yeah, Sam.

Having a strong-willed, hyperactive 3.5 year old? Whoda thunk it could be the difference between a fairly smooth pregnancy and one where I come unhinged? Okay, maybe it's not as bad as all that. But there are certain days when I can't get through without tears.

The problem is the frustration. He feeds off me, he can tell I'm getting frustrated. And even though I know my frustration just fuels his fire and makes him act even more goofy and listen less, I can't manage to reign it in. Then what happens? The GUILT. I start to get frustrated at myself for being frustrated! And it's like this vicious cycle where I start to feel myself tearing up and for all that I try the slow breathing just isn't going to work this time.

I do not like to let Sam see me like that. He gets upset when I'm upset, but every couple of weeks I just have a day where he's being uncooperative or I'm extra tired or whatever is happening. And I have to fight to stay in control, or to just get stuff done because really, we all know who's in control here don't we?

Yeah, the kids.

I can't wait until they are old enough to gang up on me, because that's going to be super awesome.

Of course, I wouldn't give up all the good days to eliminate the extra hard ones. But that doesn't make it any easier when it's happening. I know it's all part of this big thing called parenting and life. It's just bizarre to feel so out of control of your own emotions. In my head, I KNOW when I am overreacting or when I'm making it worse. But those hormones? They're not listening. They want me to FEEL FEEL FEEL and sometimes I want to throttle them for it!

Geez, forget showing teens a video of a screaming baby. Why not just tell them that if they get pregnant? They will GO CRAZY? It might help. A little.

In any case, I am still super excited about this little dude even if he is making me feel like the mothering equivalent of a bridezilla. Momzilla? Hm. I'm well into my 28th week now, which means 12 more to go. At this moment, it seems like FOREVER. But I know it will go by faster than I know. I just can't wait to meet him. And get my brain back.



Kat said...

Yeah. I don't think so :-) Almost 9 years after the last baby...I am quite sure that my brain has not fully returned. I miss my 20something brain...

Dumblond said...

Oh that's so sweet. You think you are going to be less crazy after Danny is born...*sigh* You are so innocent.

Dawn said...

I think it's just a mom's brain. Once you're pregnant your mind is never the same.