November 30, 2009

Pieces I Left Behind: Part 2

15 years after one of the weirdest moments of my life, I am wondering about you.

It's been so long since that summer before ninth grade when you tossed aside our friendship. I wonder if I talked to you now whether you'd admit how bizarre it was for you to tell me a tall tale about the baby you'd had with the boy you liked while I was out of state for the summer. Would you acknowledge that this was a strange way to end our friendship? That the fact that you mockingly stuck with this story you'd made up just for me throughout high school was absolutely weird?

Some days I think about emailing you. Not much to lose, but how could I deny that it's a little weird that I'm still thinking about this? How weird is that exactly? The why of this situation is one of the great mysteries of my life, and I wonder if you ever think of me.

The other night, I dreamed I was working with your father and that I was finally building up the nerve to ask him he he knew about what happened between us and if he may have any insight into my perpetual question of what happened there.

As with all dreams, I had to wake and this time to unsettling unanswered questions.

15 years later my memories of the 2 years we were inseparable best friends are mostly fond. Perhaps they still haunt me because I don't' think I'll ever know why you decided not to be my friend, why you chose to realign yourself and forget me. You'll probably never know how your decision affected me, and I don't know if you'd even care.

In the end, it's just another piece of my heart I left behind, a piece I gave to someone and now I live without it. Maybe you still have it, maybe not. 15 years later, does it matter?


Melissa aka Equidae said...

it always matter and why not email and ask the why? if it still bothers you, its still important to know

Kori said...

1. You are never going to get an honest answer, because if this person was an honest person and felt like she needed to explain, she probably already would have reached out to you. Don't waste your time.

2. Of course it matters; how can it not? Yet why open yourself up for more hurt and pain? Again, don't waste your time.

3. You are lovable and valuable as you are, you have good friends and a family who loves you. This person doesn't. Don't waste your time.

:) I send you hugs.

CC Jen said...

I have a similar situation, and I finally had to just let it go, because the person is never going to give me an honest answer and it was hurting me to keep trying.