It took over a week. I held it together, I went about my business, flew to St. Louis and back, and it seemed like forever. I managed. I made it through a whole day and a half at home before it all caught up with me.
The tears were precipitated by a nice bonk to the head courtesy of Sam and a big toy truck. I was frustrated at having been in the house all day, and I wanted to get out. Justin was not feeling well, and Sam was not cooperating in getting dressed so we could get out of the house. The truck hit hard, and once the tears were brought to my eyes and the dam was broken, I couldn't stop the flood.
I ended up on the back porch, sobbing into my hands as I felt the stresses of the past week leave my body, the sun washing over me and the wind blowing as my shoulders shook and my nose ran. I'm sure I looked beautiful.
The funny thing is that once I got it all out, the rest of the weekend was almost perfect. Once I got it together and sat with Justin on the couch for a couple of minutes we got Sam dressed and I took him downtown. We walked around (well, he rode in the stroller at first) and went and got an ice cream cone. Sam loved it, and ended up with ice cream all over his shirt, but I just thought it was cute. Then he walked.
I pushed the stroller along, staying close to him, watching him be a 3 year old. I let his curiosity guide him as he peeked down alleys, walked up and down stairs and peered at himself in reflective windows. He explored newspaper vending machines and held my hand to cross the streets. We stopped in a courtyard at one of the street-corner art installations downtown and he discovered the joy of walking on top of short walls, I held his hands as he laughed and walked back and forth. We stopped near the courthouse and sat on the sidewalk picking fuzzy dandelions and blowing the seeds to the wind.
We let Sam stay up later than normal, and bedtime was easy. Sunday morning we played, watched Word World and had milk and goldfish crackers, played trains in his bedroom, and played with Dora and Yo Gabba Gabba action figures. When Justin was up, Sam had a bath and he and Justin washed my hair for me as I leaned over the tub and giggled while Sam poured water over my head. In the afternoon, I drove to Seattle for book club - the perfect day for a drive, I cruised along with the windows down and the music playing.
The evening consisted of enjoying the sunshine, sitting in the warm breeze and snacking, relaxing, talking and smores. What's not to love? When I got home at 10, we had visitors - friends we hadn't seen in a while, and sam was still up, but it was okay. As soon as they left a little after 11, he fell asleep in my arms on the couch.
On Saturday afternoon, I felt like I was falling apart. When the tears came I felt unsure and wondered how I'd be able to pull it together. But by Sunday evening, I'd had a nearly perfect weekend. Isn't it funny how things can change?
I felt like I haven't blogged in weeks - so much has happened and gathered in my head in the last week. I have so much to write about, so much to share, but I haven't had time to sit down and get it all out yet. I haven't caught up on e-mails or comment replies yet, but I'll get there. Thanks to everyone who has been sticking around this week even though I haven't been here. I can't wait to share everything I've been experiencing and thinking!