May 1, 2009
Three: Love of our lives, always
In the before time,
you were longed for. For two long
years, we waited, hoped.
Then you swam inside,
I loved you from the moment
I knew you were there.
Your birthday came, and
I held you to me for the
first time, miracle.
Suddenly you were
ONE, where did the time go? I
saw you crawl, walk.
A blink and you were
TWO, you began to know just
what you wanted... now!
Tomorrow, you'll be
THREE. You are tall and blonde, love
of our lives, always.
Tomorrow, you're going to be three years old. It's hard to believe that you've been with us so long. Sometimes I feel like time is escaping me, and I'm not sure where it's running off to. I can remember so vividly the first days with you. I would lie there and just stare at you as you slept, amazed by you.
I am still amazed by you. You're tall now, and when I carry you, I have to make sure you bend your legs to help balance your weight. Not that I can carry you for long, like I used to. Sometimes you ride on my shoulders, but these days you prefer to ride in a stroller or walk hand in hand. Your hair is still blonde, but it's not as platinum as when you were born. I hoped it would stay that way, and I can't wait for it to get lighter over the summer as you get some sun.
I still stare at your face, when I get the chance. You're constantly in motion, and when you aren't, you're often sitting on my lap. You still have the most amazing blue eyes and soft skin, and the other day I noticed your nose is starting to change a little bit - you're starting to gain your true appearance. Once that happens, you will have grown out of your babyhood completely. I can't wait for it, and at the same time, I will miss the soft round wideness of your baby nose.
Last year we were worried on your birthday because you weren't talking. This year, we know you have a lot to learn, but you are talking more and more every day. Today I asked if you wanted to touch a tree and you said "Don't want to touch tree, mama". You love Spongebob Squarepants, and we're hard pressed to get you to give anything else a chance on TV right now. You like a book I got before you were born called "Tickets to Ride". You still love cars and trains, and you're interested in boats too.
You love to eat hummus straight from the container, and you have been enjoying macaroni & cheese lately. You haven't been eating french fries, but last weekend we went to Wendy's and you polished off 10 chicken nuggets! You take after me in one area - you love chocolate and sweets. Sometimes we have to rid the house of them to get you off a kick of asking for it first thing in the morning.
It's a bittersweet time for me right now. You see, in a month or two I'm going to have to go to work. Unfortunately, we just can't afford for me NOT to work right now. I wish it could be different. I know that you will be okay. I know that I got to be with you during your first years, for three whole years, which I think is the most important time to be at home. I know that you will enjoy day care, playing with other kids, and that it will help your speech develop. But I know all of those things in my head. In my heart, I ache. I just want to be with you. You will probably not remember this time when you get older. Your dad, me, your whole family - we are so committed to you and your well being that I know you'll be fine. Better than fine, you will always be loved, cherished, and taught the right way to live. For now, you'll just have to understand when I hug you that much tighter, and kiss your face that much more when I see you after a long day.
I wish that there were words to share with you the way I feel about you, how proud I am of you, how amazed I am every day, but there just aren't. We're having a birthday party on Saturday, and you're going to be surrounded by people who love you. It's the first year that you understand what a birthday party is, that presents are for opening, and that birthday parties inevitably lead to birthday cake. I can't wait to watch you experience all of it.
Happy Birthday, bubba. You take my breath away.
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