April 21, 2009

Not easy

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Fear and hopelessness go hand in hand. Like siblings, egging each other on, they creep and join together.

I try to stay positive. I know that even though I am not losing weight like I wish, I am healthier. Here, lately, I've mostly written of triumphs and motivation. But the truth?

THIS. IS. HARD.

When I don't go over my points and I get a whole bunch of exercise and I go to a meeting and see a +, I want to quit.

When I am so sure I can drop the fucking 0.2 pounds to get my 5% and go in the opposite direction? It really, really hurts.

I feel like my body is betraying me.

Logically, I know that the average of losing 12 pounds over 13 weeks is good. A pound a week is nothing to turn my nose up at.

But it's just so damn hard. No matter what I do each week, I never know if my weight is going to go up or down. I can't find logic behind it.

I work out like a maniac some weeks, and other weeks don't, and it doesn't seem to be the deciding factor.

I try to stay positive. For the most part, I am proud of myself. But it doesn't prevent these moments of doubt.

I know that I'm getting better. I know that at some point, even if it takes 2 years, I'll be there.

Sometimes, it just seems a long way off.

2 comments :

Trish said...

I'm with you there! I like to try to weigh myself often, but your weight fluctuates so much during the day that it's hard to know what's right. I like to weigh myself right after I first go to the bathroom in the morning, before I eat breakfast, and preferably without apparel (to keep things as accurate as possible). But I have to keep in mind that things will fluctuate a lot and I may not see the number I'm looking for. I think the best idea is to weigh every couple weeks or once a month. That way, you're more likely to see a solid difference and less fluctuation.

Keep it up, though! You're doing great!

Megan R. said...

Keep in mind that even though this week was a +, it's probably a MUCH smaller + than it would have been if you WEREN'T working out and eating right! Sooo many things can cause a slight gain, even just a bit of water retention. You are still doing AWESOME!!

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