February 10, 2009

Heads or Tails: Love is in the Air

This week's theme for Heads or Tails Tuesday is "A Love Story". As I think about all of the people in my life that I love beyond even saying, it's hard to choose one story to share. So, here is a simple love story - one of the most simple there should be for any person.

I had wanted a baby for as long as I could remember. My best friend had her first child, a daughter, and she was about 18 months old. She was then pregnant with her 2nd child, a boy, who would be born in March of 2004. When my husband and I had been married for about 6 months, we decided it was time to ditch the pills. We wanted to bring another person into this world to share our love with. We both felt that we were meant to be a family of more than two, so we started trying.

At first it wasn't so hard. We started the journey in November 2003. We figured it would be easy, and I was SO looking forward to having my first baby less than a year apart from by best friend's second child. I imagined them growing up together, hanging out together with our babies, and I couldn't wait.

It didn't happen. We went from fun sex to ovulation kits and we have to do it now I'm fertile NOW to heartbreak every month when I got my period. We went to fertility drugs, and eventually to a fertility doctor. It was so painful because I wanted SO BADLY to be a mother, I knew how much I was going to love my little one. I watched other people in my book club get pregnant and have babies, each time thinking 'when will it be MY turn'? I watched one of my best friend's sixteen year old sister get pregnant by accident and wondered how that was fair.

After two years, and three failed attempts at artificial insemination (still J's stuff & my stuff, just with help), I was convinced I was never going to have a baby. We started saving up to adopt, and while I knew that I would love an adopted baby just as much, my heart was broken. I wanted to be pregnant, I wanted to give birth, to bring my own child into this world.

In August 2005, we did one final try at IUI. I figured that it was the right time of the month, and at the time we had really good insurance that covered much of it, so I figured why not. I wasn't even thinking about it, I didn't really consider it a possibility.

A week later, my feet started to swell. I brushed it off.

Another week went by, and no period. I took a test. It was positive.

I couldn't even allow myself to be excited. I was too afraid that it wasn't real.

I went to the doctor. Two blood tests later, I allowed myself to get excited.

It was for real. And I loved that little baby. I loved those few cells growing inside me so much already that it was almost unbearable.

I couldn't wait to find out if it was a little boy or a little girl. I couldn't wait to feel it kick. I couldn't wait... for everything. For a lifetime with this baby.

I waited 12 weeks to tell most people. It was unbearable. I was so excited. I was also sick, and people kept asking if I was feeling better, and I wanted to tell them why I absolutely was not feeling better, but did not really care.

We had had names picked out for at least a year before we even got pregnant. So, when we found out it was a boy, we started calling him Sam. That was his name, and I loved saying it.

I loved talking to him. I loved singing to him. Every day in the car, I would sing to him. I felt him kick for the first time in January. I loved it every time. I loved watching my belly expand.

Then, on May 2, 2006 I woke at 3 in the morning to my water breaking. 12 hours later, I met my son.
I was completely overcome. As I write this, I have tears in my eyes because it is impossible to describe the love I felt when he was placed in my arms, the love I felt holding him.

Over time, my love has grown. It can only grow. He will be three in a couple of months, and he is one of the great loves of my life. He is my baby, and he stole my heart.

To read more Love Stories, click here.


lupusurvivor said...

you are blessed! really he is god's gift to you. my daughter will also be turning three in a couple of months (july) and i know the feeling.

thanks for sharing this and for visiting my HOT.

Skittles said...

I got all excited when you said the test was positive!!! And look at that sweet baby picture and then how much he's growing.

What a wonderful love story. :)

Hootin' Anni said...

I had goosebumps reading this!! How exciting for you...how wonderful for your life...he's your 'miracle love'!!

My H o T is quite different, but Barb let us have free reign and stretch the subject...I stretched and stretched this one.

Happy Valentine's Day!

The Blonde Duck said...

What a fabulous love story! I popped in from SITS!

I moved! Come see me at www.aduckinherpond.com

Misty Dawn said...

I have goosebumps. This is such a beautiful and special post. You wrote this absolutely wonderfully. I admit sometimes feeling some resentment that I won't have my own child, thank you for letting me sort of live this through you and this post ;-)

Rachael said...

oh rachael, that is beautiful. just beautiful.

Tumblewords: said...

Such a special story that you've posted here! And the babe is so handsome - love the pose in the second photo - what fun and love...

Karen said...

That is such a sweet story. I never really knew love until I had my kids.

Dawn said...

OH! That's so sweet. I want more babies now!

Dumblond said...

Oh you're killing me! What a beautiful story.