January 9, 2009
Planting a Seed
Today, I plant a
seed - a new beginning to
nurture and to grow
The journey is not
through, but this leg has to end
it's time to move on
I have no map, and
do not know where the new road
will lead me from here
But I see a light
and I know that it leads to
a better place, love
It came to me on a random afternoon.
Days before, I'd received a reminder of your love.
Weeks before, I'd received a reminder that you were nothing more than a human being.
It came to me so clearly that I immediately recognized it as truth.
I have to forgive you.
You have caused me pain.
You have caused much more pain to others that I love.
I don't agree with your actions, but I can't base our entire relationship around this past.
I wish you had not done some of the things you did.
But they happened. Nothing can be done.
I need to forgive you.
I don't want to spend my time and energy on anger. I don't want to spend my life trying to make sense of this - it doesn't make any sense to me. Your actions don't fit into my patterns of thinking.
I won't defend you.
I won't pretend that the things you have done didn't hurt people.
I won't pretend that it's okay.
But I will move on.
I will move into experiencing the future as something else.
A new relationship will be formed. Ideas and preconceptions thrown out the window will pass by the wayside, and something else will take their place.
I have to forgive you because I don't want you to be alone.
Some loves really ARE unconditional. I accept my love, and realize that I should spend my energy cultivating that.
So, I'm done. I'm not going to be angry anymore. Instead, I will try to be supportive of everyone I love, separate from each other.
I will love everyone for their good qualities, and I will try to help them with the bad, if they want my help.
I will provide support in any way I can, and in the areas I can't, I will wait patiently until my help is wanted or needed. Even if the time never comes.
So, this is it.
I forgive you.
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