It's hard not to know if the emotions I'm feeling are my own, or if it's a result of all of the hormonal storms I know are happening constantly inside my body.
I went to see Bride Wars tonight. I take myself to a movie that's supposed to be silly, entertaining, and funny. Uplifting even. And I find myself in the theater at the end of the movie in tears, wanting to sit there and just cry until I can't anymore.
Is it because the movie reminded me of my own lost friendships that I wish I had back? Is it because I remember the story of four girls who thought they'd be friends forever, but ended up split up by a silly incident, and were not at each other's weddings? Is it because I'm exhausted from being on vacation and taking care of Sam without the support of my wonderful spouse for a week? Is it because I miss my husband? Is it because I was disappointed about not being able to see my closest cousin more on this trip?
I can't say. I can't say why after watching a comedy, I get into my car and cry. It's a little scary, and very disconcerting. It goes the other way too. Some days I am hit by an unexpected wave of love for the person I'm with - my father, my stepmother, my husband. I know that I feel that way about them. I love them all more than I can say. But it's a little weird to be suddenly overtaken with this wave of such deep emotion that it almost moves me to tears.
I wonder how much of this is how I'm really feeling. I was recently diagnosed with several things, and am waiting to get home from vacation so that I can see an endocrinologist. I have been diagnosed with PCOS, High Testosterone, Insulin Resistance, Vitamin D Insufficiency, and Hypothyroidism. It's not something I've written about here, I have a seperate blog for that. It's called Unconventional Fear, and I'd love it if you visited me there.
The original purpose for Unconventional Fear was to have a place to write about my struggle with being overweight. I started it last year because I had decided that I needed to lose weight, to be healthier for both my own sake and for Sam's. It's a very emotional and sometimes very negative area of my life, and I didn't want to post about it here because it's not necessarily the tone I want for this blog, and I wanted to have a seperate record of that journey.
When I found my new doctor and found out about these other health problems, that blog changed a little, so now it's a record of my journey of being overweight AND of trying to get healthy in other areas as well. There's a little feed over on my left sidebar where you can see my latest posts, and a link at the top of this page as well. Come join me on my journey - I need all the cheerleaders I can get, and I hope that my blog might someday inspire someone else and give them the push they need to get healthy as well.