September 27, 2008

Shopping Sucks

With everything that's been going on this week, I obviously have not been feeling very happy. Well, combine all of that with trying to go clothes shopping and you have a perfect mixture for 'feel like crap about yourself' juice.

Yesterday on the way home from my last day at my old job, I realized I don't have anything to wear to interviews (I actually have one this week). I stopped at the outlet mall because they have a Lane Bryant outlet and a Dress Barn, and I've had success buying dresses there before that fit really well.

First of all, let's point out the reason that I don't have anything to wear to an interview. Because the last time I interviewed I was about 50 pounds lighter. Even if I had those clothes around, they wouldn't even be CLOSE to fitting me.

Shopping when you weight 270 pounds sucks. Right now I am a size 26 or 28 in pants, depending on the style. I'm a 22/24 in shirts at Lane Bryant, but sometimes a 26/28 at other stores, or sometimes a 3x depending on how the sizing is. It's embarrassing. Not only is it embarassing, but it highly limits your choice of stores. So, you end up at Lane Bryant. Target has good plus size clothes, but a very limited selection in stores. K-Mart has a larger plus size section, and both are WAY cheaper than Lane Bryant, which becomes handy when you become poor. Kohl's also has a fairly large plus size section.

In any case, I go to Dress Barn and realize their sizes only go up to 2x or 22/24. They have a TON of cute shirts, but about 95% of them are 3/4 length sleeves, which seems to be the style. I can't buy those. I have tattoos on my wrists, and I need them covered up, at least for the initial interview. So, I find a jacket I like but the sleeves are too short. I don't buy anything and decide to go over to LB to see what they have and actually try stuff on. I get there, and pick out a bunch of pants. Several pairs of size 26 pants in different styles are TOO TIGHT. I finally find one that has an elasticy waist but is a slack. I buy it in size 24, which fits better. So, I have pants. I try on a bunch of shirts. They make me look enormous. I hate them. I buy the pants and a short sleeved shirt that I can't wear to the interview but really like and feel I deserve after the week I've had. I go back to dress barn and try on a few shirts. Most of them are too small. I find an orangish sweater that looks good with the pants. I'm not sure about the fit, but I buy it anyway just in case.

It took me TWO HOURS to find one shirt that I'm unsure about and one pair of pants.

I'm still going to go to Kohl's and the retail LB this week. I might end up returning the sweater. It's just so hard to shop like this. It just reminds me of how fat I am. To tell you the truth, I fear not getting hired because they will think I'm too fat and gross. But I try not to think about that.


Syd said...

I've felt that way about interviews before. I think that we are thinking about our size way more than other people are thinking about it. And you can always wow them with personality. People love chubby folks with charm. I feel dirty just writing that.

I once got a job I wasn't entirely qualify for (and I was super overweight), because I told them that I simple loved words. It was a writing job and the interviewers loved words too, so I got the job.

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

melissa. said...

Hi! I know you don't know me, but I'm Amy Moore's sister in law..I got her by the link on her blog. I was just reading your blog and I thought I would give you some advice... Last oct. I weighed 260 lbs.. I had just had a baby and was basically in the worst shape of my life.. I'm now down to 216 a year later.. The biggest thing that helped me lose weight was ... it's an electronic food diary and it's super easy and convienent.. also I do lots of walking, I live in a small town so it's easy to just walk and push my little girl in her stroller, I started off small and just worked my way up. I also drink lots of water and I'm trying to give up soda... and watching portion sizes is huge.. It's not easy to lose, but once you set your mind to it, you can do it! I totally hear ya on the shopping thing...I still hate shopping, it's like, just because we're big doesn't mean we want to look like old women ya know?! SO I hope that what I said help, I'm sorry if I sounded nosey, but I totally get what you're going through... and if you ever need any advice or someone to keep you accountable I'm always here.. my name on the daily plate is chayasmomma so if you do sign up you can read my food diary. Well I just thought I'd say hi and hopefully make a new friend!


Kori said...

Oh, shit. Can I swear on here? Sorry. I wish I had something helpful and kind to say, but there isn't really much I CAN. Just know that I am thinking of you, more than you know.

Heather, Queen of Shake Shake said...

I wish I had some great words that would *poof* make all these sad feelings go away for you, but I don't. I do think syd is right that we think more about size than the other person.

The Bargainista said...

Believe me, I know just how you feel! Head over to my blog and read through so of my posts, especially my live well wed.'s, and you will see! But you know, I am starting to change my attitude and its helping! I know that sounds so stupid! LOL

Maybe this will cheer you up. I am having a giveaway on my blog! I would love for your to stop by and check it out! :)

sassy stephanie said...

BORN in 1980? Bay-bee girl!!

Thanks for sharing in my SITS day with me!

Christy said...

I know exactly how you feel, except I haven't even been lucky enough to be married, or even have a date within the last 15 years. Nope...not kidding. I hate myself, I hate my body, I hate everything about the way I look. I never look in the mirror if I can help it and I never EVER walk down the aisles at stores that sell mirrors. I appear in few, if any pictures, and I am beginning to wonder if I have a food addiction. I am too ashamed (and moneyless) to be able to get help for that and it sort of seems like something that I should be able to conquer on my own. I hate shopping, I hate getting dressed in the mornings, and I stand in front of a bunch of tiny, dainty teenagers all day, every day. Believe me, this could be me writing this post and I will be back.

Sissy said...

I think Lane Bryant is both heaven-sent and The Devil. Every great once in a while they have some non-old lady stuff but it's hella expensive. Target, on the other hand is my knight in shining armor. Their XXL (and sometimes ever XL) stuff in the regular sizes fits. And it's cute to boot!
I'm sorry you feel so bad. I'm right there with ya and it sucks. I'm gonna keep up with you here so I can see when it all turns around for you.