August 12, 2008

There's no business like someone else's business

Today's guest poster is Janet from the Planet of Janet, another of my favorite blogs! One of the things I love most about her blog are her adventures and conversations with the Roo Girl, who will be in HIGH SCHOOL this year. Agh! Janet is an amazing woman, and since she has a plan to take over the whole internet, it was not hard to get her to agree to take my place here.

There's No Business Like Someone Else's Business

Hi, everyone. In my never-ending quest to take over the blogosphere one guest post at a time, I have invaded Rachael's turf today. Hopefully she won't regret giving me the keys for today!

I'm Janet, one of about a gazillion Janets who blog, but I'm the only one with my own planet.

Those who know and love me like me tolerate me a little know that I have bathroom issues. Specifically, there are places where I will "go" and places where I will not.

The workplace restroom, fortunately, is one of the "go"-to places. And I can find refuge there -- in the center stall. A place where I have gone for inspiration when I couldn't think of what to write.

The place where I now go to play sudoku on my iPhone.

Oh, come on. You know you do it too. You take your phone into the bathroom at work and text someone. If you have a Crackberry or an iPhone, you compulsively check your email in there.

I mean, you gotta do SOMETHING to entertain yourself if you don't have reading material!

But here is something I will never do:

I will never ever ever ever ever take my cell phone into the bathroom while in mid-conversation.

Because ... ew.

I don't want people I'm talking with to hear other people's bathroom noises. Face it, I barely can tolerate other people's bathroom noises. Considering how squirrely I am about bathrooms, I can barely tolerate my OWN bathroom noises.

And I for sure don't want someone else to broadcast those noises over the wireless network.

So, there I was last week, minding my own business (heh) and playing a kick-butt game of sudoku when my silent meditation was rudely interrupted by an opening bathroom door and loud -- and I mean LOUD -- talking.

"I just don't understand how he can be so RUDE," exclaimed a voice.

"Mrmph mrmphen mphermiferm," was a garbled and slightly tinny answer.

*Adjoining stall door opens, closes and latches*

"Yes, but maybe you should explain to him that this is not proper behavior," continued the LOUD VOICE.

"I know," came a newly identifiable voice. "But I wouldn't know where to start."

What the hell?

Yes, Ms. LOUD VOICE put her cell phone on SPEAKER in the public bathroom!!

This conversation continued while the sounds of her personal ... um ... BUSINESS took place.

And while I was in mid-business myself.

Let me tell you that my immediate response was to cease and desist all activities while this invasion of my privacy continued.

And continued.

And continued.

The phone conversation about someone else's rudeness stopped only for some flushing ... at which point Ms. LOUD VOICE announced, "Here, let me take you off speaker ..."

And she left the bathroom.

Without washing her hands.

I may never recover.

Come visit anytime at my planet, where I promise no one will invade your privacy.


Karen said...

There are only two people I will take to the bathroom with me on my cellphone--my Mom and my daughter. But never ever in a public bathroom. ick.

Aoj and The Lurchers said...

I have a friend who occasionally says "I'm just taking you to the loo". OK, thanks!

I've gotten used to it, and it's her private bathroom and it's one of her quirks, but not sure I'd tolerate it from anyone else!

LceeL said...

Well shit!! There goes another illusion. Women DON'T wash their hands!!! EEEEWWWWWWW. POOOeeyy. *spit* *spit*

That's just GROSS.

Burgh Baby said...


There is absolutely, positively not a single conversation that can not be resumed AFTER a trip to the bathroom. Call the person back. It's not hard. Call them back.

Janet said...

ROFLMAO! I must say I never take anything into the bathroom other than the things that belong in there (TP, air freshener, soaps, etc.). I'm not a bathroom reader...I'm a get in there, get it done, wash up, get OUT!

4fthawaiian said...

I always ALWAYS like hearing that someone else besides me is picky about bathrooms (at my old day job, I was a "last cubicle" guy, and I LOVE playing Sudoku on my iPod in the bathroom). I must admit, that of all the transgressions I've ever seen/heard/experienced in work bathrooms, SPEAKER PHONE has never reared (heh) its ugly head. I'm STUNNED.

Personally.. I would have gone out of my way to make a particularly rude noise.. Even blown on my arm.. anything to humiliate the offender. Although.. What am I saying? This person is obviously beyond personal humiliation..

I'm not even going to comment on the hand-washing issue. Ew.

nikki said...

Bathrooms- you go in, do your bizness and leave. I don't get how people can just hang in there. Doesn't the hind end go numb after a bit?

ChrisB said...

Not washing her hands is the worst part for me yuk.

Kaytabug said...

Great post hon'!

texasholly said...


That is so crazy and disgusting I may never recover after hearing about it from a reliable source.

Janet said...

At my grandfather's funeral I went into the restroom (alone for once!) and heard a woman talking in a stall and thought, "oh, the poor woman, she's talking and the person she's talking to just left without letting her know." Then I realized she was on her phone.
I could never take my cell phone into the bathroom with me, because I'm clumsy and would end up dropping it in.
And the handwashing? I read a hysterical comment about someone's daughter who witnessed a woman skipping out on the handwashing and calling her on it in no uncertain terms. I'll try to find it and get back to you. I think we should all use it.

Sandy C. said...


Oh hell.

I may never recover after reading this. I'll be sitting center stall in fear forever.

Junebug said...

So funny, Janet.

Marmarbug said...

I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Sunshine said...

I am amazed that this is such an issue. The women (LOTS of them) at my workplace talk on the cellphone in the bathroom, while everyone is businessing, and flushing, WTH!?!?

Just yesterday I declared that I am thisclose to posting a sign in the restroom that cell phone usage in the restroom is rude.

NEVER had anyone using speakerphone. I generally start a fake coughing fit and flush the toilet a few extra times to make as much noise as possible while they're on the phone...

imbeingheldhostage said...

oh...ewww. I would've been trying real hard to come up with something to shock her (and might've thought of something sometime around midnight while laying in bed).

Auds at Barking Mad said...

That is WRONG ten ways to Sunday.

I turn on the water in the bathroom if there is ANYONE else in the house so they don't hear me, so it's incomprehensible to me that I'd ever consider taking my cell into the loo with me...NEVER!