August 21, 2008

History of Heavy

I am 27 years old, 5'7" and weigh 265 pounds.
I am the heaviest I've ever been. In high school, I thought I was too big. When I look at pictures from that time, I wish that I could have seen myself differently.
In 1999 I traveled to London, and came back in the best shape of my life, probably around 140 pounds.

I got my first REAL job, working customer service for a cell phone company. I sat at a desk all day. I moved out of my parents house, which meant I was doing my own grocery shopping and eating whatever.

My weight went up to 180. I felt heavy, but was not really unhappy with my weight. I maintained it for about five years. During college, I worked for 3 years at Borders Books, which meant being on my feet most of the time.

When I quit that job, I went back to working desk jobs. I gained 50 pounds in a year, and sat at 230 for a long while. I was fat. I looked at charts and saw the word 'obese'. Some days I didn't feel that big. Other days, I felt disgusting.

When I got pregnant with my son in 2005, I weighed 249 pounds, my heaviest ever. I was sick and didn't eat much for the first 5 months of pregnancy. I lost 50 pounds while I was pregnant.

I gained it all back.

Plus more.

Now I weigh 265 pounds.

My fat hinders my life. It makes me not want to be in pictures because my chin is fat. I can't chase my child around the way I want to. I have to ask for an extender on the airplane for my seatbelt. I can't shop at Old Navy anymore. I don't wear shorts. I sweat more than I used to when it's hot outside.

Here's what it looks like:

I can't go on like this.


Jill said...


Many of the thoughts you just shared also run through my head on a regular basis. I feel your pain, literally. I wish you luck on this journey. I wish I had some sage advice to offer but I don't. I will say that I think you can continue to love yourself even if you're struggling to be healthier. That's what I try to do. Some days I succeed, others... not so much.

Anyway, I'm sending you a huge hug, from another overweight girl who understands where you're coming from.

At My Own Pace said...

I found you blog hopping and wanted to wish you luck! :) I am 1/2 way through my weight loss journey and I understand how hard it is. I wish you all the best! :)


Wife to Mark,Mom to Samuel said...

Rachael...I am with you on this. I, too, have gained so much weight since probably high school. I truly feel miserable about my weight. So, I just want to say that you truly are NOT alone in this struggle. We should start walking together...and boy do I sweat, too...I've never been like that before really. I'm up for a walk whenever you are! I love you! Can't wait to see you again soon!

Hot Tub Lizzy said...


I just wandered over to your blog from SITS - because you were the person ahead of me on roll call... I'm starting with your first post here, and I was just hit over the head - I think you're living my life!

I've always been big... I remember weighing 140 pounds in 5th grade (I was already 5'7" at the time) but still big. I remember when I started having to shop at Lane Bryant and all those places... I was a size 22 when I got married... I had two kids... ended up where a size 26 was getting snug - about 285 pounds.

On my 35th birthday i sat and looked at my life, and hated all of it except my kids... but most of all I hated me... hated my body. And I can't say I stood there that day and decided to loose weight, I just knew something had to change.

i started with small changes. No more food from vending machines. No eating at night after supper. I started using a small plate and just eating small portions. I stopped having chips at subway. I tried to LISTEN to my body and stop when it was full...

Slowly... I lost 80 pounds... i was feeling GOOD. One of the first great moments was when I was chasing my girls around the playground one day and could actually DO IT.

Now... the tickey part..that was all over a year ago... and in the last 4 months I've gained close to 20 pounds.. I think life got a little out of control, and I let it. Now I need to reign it back in.

ALL this to say... if you need someone to talk to or ANYTHING... please let me know....

(totally unrelated, but i had to laugh - your word verification is buthook)