November 9, 2005

I'm Still Here

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Sorry it's been so long since I've updated. I started not feeling so great again at the end of last week. Last Friday I stayed home sick from work again. I felt crappy and just couldn't get going. It was only the fourth time I've called in sick since I got pregnant, but I still felt really guilty. On Monday my boss came in and asked me if I want to be here because she was worried about things that were not getting done and I told her I did. But the bottom line is that I NEED to be here. Unless I can find some other magical way to get $10,000, I need to keep working until the end of March so that we can get somewhere with our debt and savings before I leave my job. I wish there was another way, because I am distracted and I'm not doing a bad job, but I'm not the most focused person in the world right now. I am trying to give 100%, but maybe I don't have 100% to give right now? Plus I am sick of feeling sick, which isn't helping. I never thought it would be this hard! But I just keep reminding myself that in the end it's all worth it - doing whatever I can to allow myself to stay home after the baby comes is my priority.

Not only that, but every time I think that my "morning" sickness is getting better, something new happens. As in, yesterday and Monday I finally threw up in the morning while getting ready for work. So much for making it through my entire pregnancy without doing it. I am feeling better today, which is nice, but it seems like it just fluctuates between getting better and getting worse again. I'm past 15 weeks now, so I'm hoping that the end is in sight... I have heard encouraging words, and some other not-so encouraging ones (mostly that involve people saying that either their morning sickness was gone by six months, or that it never went away). Well, that's definitely my fear! But it gives me hope when I have good days.

I don't want it to seem like this is only a bad experience... it's just that those are the things that float to the surface. I have a doctor appointment in less than a week and I know that we'll get to hear the heartbeat, and I know that will re-energize my total excitement about what is happening. I just can't wait until I can feel the little bean move. Sometimes it still doesn't seem real to me! At our next doctor appointment when we schedule for our next one, I suspect we'll also get to register for our "big" ultrasound - ie finding out if this little guy is really a guy or a girl! I've heard a range that you can find out sometimes as soon as 16 weeks, but I think ours will probably be another four week wait - so around week 20, which will begin on 12/13. I can't wait!!! At this doctor appointment I'm also going to ask about baby classes at the hospital - when we should do them and when we need to be registered by.

So, all in all things are going all right and moving along. We got our new bed delivered on Saturday and it is SO comfortable!! I am still waking up and tossing and turning, but not as much, and when I'm asleep I can tell I'm sleeping better. It's really great!!

I'm also really starting to get excited about Christmas, and my visit to New Jersey/Pennsylvania! I just can't wait to see everyone. Well, that better be all for now, I've got stuff to do!

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